An English engineer plans to build a massive $2 Billion waterpark and hotel complex on the moon after initial feasibility studies prove propitious and go ahead from local council.
It may seem like a pipedream, it may seem like wishful thinking, but in decades to come not only might you visit the moon for a spot of lunar exploration but you might also relax away the hours in a state of the art waterpark and hotel complex if the ambitions of an Oldham based entrepreneur come to fruition.
Albert Sidebottom, a retired door security solutions consultant from Oldham, Lancashire has now formally lodged his application with Oldham town council in the full expectation that his plans will cause the same stir in the international space and amusement industries as they caused in the local community. Among the features at the new attraction, set to open on Tuesday afternoon on 23rd May 2009 will be:
• 100 metre “Up-hill” anti gravity water slides
• Moon surfing wheel-based thrill rides
• In room Jacuzzis with earth viewing galleries
• 6D Cinema, the first of its kind
• Unique vibrating “Jello” coaster
“Once the space tourists of the future have finished their explorations and done all that moon walking and stuff what better thing to do than for them to return to their hotels and enjoy the refreshing and exhilarating experience gained from one of the Universe’s great waterparks, ” says Sidebottom.
Amusement industry’s biggest names approached
He is hoping to work closely with some of the biggest names in the industry; Forrec, Sally Corporation and Proslide are just a few of the companies he has tried to contact and he has already submitted plans to the IAAPA board for their consideration and formal approval. “I have not yet heard back from them and I anticipate their reply might be lost in the post – Let’s hope it is not lost in space!” said the Lancastrian pioneer.
Albert has spent many hours working out his plans in detail and now feels confident that he is ready to go ahead. “Both Mr Disney and Mr Sixflags had to start somewhere and I feel and share the excitement they felt the very first time they had their own “Eureka!” moments.”
As to the enormous obstacles in his path, like any great entrepreneur Albert intends to take these in his stride. “When the lady from Oldham council first called me back she admitted that the idea sounded like a lot of fun and that zooming down a waterslide in outer space sounded amazing. However she did raise a serious issue – the lack of water on the moon!”
The answer to this admittedly tricky issue is, like many great ideas, blindingly simple: “Helicopters, ” he explains. “You know those helicopters you see dropping water onto forest fires? Well I’d attach the same water carrying equipment to the bottom of a fleet of space shuttles and blast them of from Cape Kennedy. Or Cape Canaveral.”
Working with NASA
Clearly working closely with NASA and some of the world’s most prestigious companies holds no fear for Albert. “I am dealing with NASA at the very highest level and although their Director of Space Research is a very busy man his secretary did tell me he would be sure to get back to me after he had finished his lunch. I will also be looking for NASA’s input in another area – that of sorting out some kind of anti-gravitational force fields all around the complex.” Albert continues, “I can hardly expect the paying public to slide down waterslides in a zero gravity environment as both them and the water will be floating around everywhere and injuries might ensue. Obviously the projects insurer’s (still to be finalised) would not be pleased!”
Blooloop spoke to Gabriel Oak, MD of Electrostatic, a company Albert is looking to work with. “As I explained to Mr Sidebottom when he called the first time, we are an earth based company and although we do operate on a global basis I cannot see us taking on board any projects in outer space as yet. However, I would happily work with Albert once he has attained backing from both NASA and the European Space Agency and has developed one of those beaming up devices like what they have on Star Trek. We do have excellent technical skills in house but none of our staff are trained astronauts – they would have to be teleported to the site, I cannot see another way”
Venture Capitalists involved
Like any great visionary, Albert is not deterred by such teething issues. “My plan is currently being evaluated by the Planning Department and they should get back to me in 4 to 5 weeks. I think they deal with building regulations too. Once, as seems likely, I get the go ahead it is full steam ahead and I can get my plans off the ground. Literally!”
Funding will soon be in place explains Albert, “I estimated a total cost of $2 Billion as the Sunny Meadows housing estate near me cost £100 million and that has no hotel or slides or owt like that. Also a bloke down the pub told me I was more likely to attract the attention of international venture capitalists if I put it in dollars.
I added further amounts to compensate for the site being over a million miles away and for the contractors having to cope with space sickness and the constant possibility of alien attacks and asteroid collisions. I am expecting to have interest from some of the leading Private Equity funds here in the UK, and have already arranged a number of functions to help raise further funds such as a tombola, whist drive and sponsored duck race. I have hired the halls and everything.”
We contacted Oldham Town Council who confirmed that they had received a package from Mr Sidebottom. “He keeps mithering us, ” we were told, “and sending us things, ” they added. “He got in a dreadful tizz last year when his plans for a super-casino at the earth’s core were turned down”.
About Albert R Sidebottom Engineering. Based in Oldham, Lancs. in the UK , Albert R Sidebottom Engineering (ARSE ) specialises in construction work within the amusement and leisure industries. Although lacking in any relevant technical or business skills Albert and his team (his son Jim and his dog Toby) are “Blue sky thinkers” and are available at £15 per hour (ONO) and will bring their own flask. Their computer is broken but they can be contacted via: firstname.lastname@example.org